UPDATING OCCASIONALLY (FOR NOW)

3 thoughts on “536 – Great State Of Tech Sass”

  1. Anonymous

    Amusing spam above … Things are about to get weird with Casa De Chuck!

    1. Dawn

      Ugh, I try to get to the SPAM quicker but we have a new kitty and I have been distracted. It is gone now. 😀

  2. Anonymous

    New kitty tops spam any day … and I enjoy getting to see it in it’s brief lifespan.

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536 – Great State Of Tech Sass
Posted on October 30, 2024 by Dawn

Welcome to Team Paranoid, Oscar! Spoiler alert: they really are out to getcha!

Next comic page planned for Nov. 20th. In the meantime, please accept this documentary evidence of new kitten Morgoth as he discovers the enigma that is the empty soda box.

Deciding your fate in a microsecond…

Posted on June 10, 2020 by Clint
Paraphrased lines from The Terminator aside, artificial intelligence still has a way to go before it approaches true human cognition (at which point I’m also confident it will develop human neuroses, which is either terrifying or reassuring depending on how I consider it). In the meantime, behold the advent of the AI Game Master: AI Dungeon If you’re old enough like me to remember the glory days of Infocom and text-adventure computer games, the format of this free-to-play exercise will be familiar. You type sentences to interact with the game based on the setting and situation presented, and your choices lead you further and further into the adventure until you either achieve victory or suffer untimely defeat. Unlike those text games of yore, however, the reactions are not set results but based on AI algorithms that attempt as best as possible to process what you’re asking to do, or who you’re talking to, and respond accordingly. It’s like one of those chatbots, but more sophisticated and not just content to make small talk when there’s stories of heroes and monsters to be told. What’s more, there are several genre selections available including the zombie apocalypse… so of course I chose that for a test run and decided to see how Chuck would do. There are no stats that I know of and I was presented with a character choice of Soldier, Scientist or Survivor, and though Chuck did his time in the military I figured he was more a Survivor at heart. After that the game plopped me right in and I started with the typing. I’ve included the log below for your edutainment, and while you’ll definitely see the limits of the AI and the occasional action sequence or dialogue that makes no sense, I admit to being impressed at just how much it got right, like right from the get go where I typed “search for golf club” and it understood precisely. Also I must mention I wasn’t quite sure how to phrase things for the parser to understand as best as possible, and the game itself has “undo” and “refresh” functions designed to allow you to give the AI another chance at figuring out what you really meant. Enough caveats, though. On with the Chuckness! —————————————————————
You are Chuck, a survivor trying to survive in a world filled with infected zombies everywhere. You have a pistol and a backpack. You have managed to survive several months avoiding zombies and scavenging food. You cautiously enter a rundown store and hear the footsteps of a walker approaching from the backroom. Your pistol is a simple gun you have found in a drawer at a destroyed store. It has five bullets. > You find a golf club. You find a wooden golf club in a corner of the store. It is extremely rotten, but it could be useful. You are standing in the entrance of the store. There are two doors in front of you. > You find some food. You find some candy bars in a backpack in the corner of the store. They have a year of age, but they may be useful. You are standing in the entrance of the store. > You find some water. You find a half-full bottle of water in a trash pile in the corner of the store. It could be useful. You are standing in the entrance of the store. > You find a crowbar. You find a crowbar in a drawer in the store counter. It is extremely old and rusted, but it may be useful. You are standing in the entrance of the store. > You find ammo. You find a box of ammo in a drawer in the store counter. It has a year of age, but it may be useful. You are standing in the entrance of the store. > You hide from walker. You hide from a walking dead body. It can be seen through the window. You are in a room with a bunch of old couches. You notice a walker in the room. > You search the couch for change. You search the couch for change. You find a quarters in the couch. It is extremely useful. You are standing in the entrance of the store. You see a newspaper rack in the corner of the room. > You read a newspaper headline. You read a newspaper headline. You see a picture of a protest. There are a group of men standing in front of a sign that says: “HOPE”. > You take the newspaper. You take the newspaper. You are about to leave the store, when suddenly you hear a sound. It is a gun shot. Someone just shot a gun and startled you. > You carefully investigate the gunshot. You carefully investigate the gunshot. You slowly walk to the counter in the store. You hear another gunshot. This one is much louder and closer than the last one. Suddenly you feel a sharp pain in your neck. > You dive for cover. You dive for cover. You dive for cover behind a counter in the store. You are hiding from the owner of the gun. > You holler “Yow, watch where you’re shooting! I’m alive!” You holler “Yow, watch where you’re shooting! I’m alive!” The owner of the gun is standing behind the counter. He looks at you, then at the hole in his neck. > You chuck raises his hands slowly. “Easy, pardner! Just scrounging for some comestibles. Want a candy bar?” You chuckles. “I reckon I’m more of a eating kinda guy.” You take out some change and give it to the owner. “Thanks for the tip, friend,” he says. > You find bandages. You find bandages in the drawer of the counter. They are very useful. You are in the back room of the store. You go out the front door of the store. > You bandage your neck wound. You bandage your neck wound. You feel better now. You are outside the store. You see a bunch of zombies wandering around the parking lot. > You look for a fire escape. You look for a fire escape. You notice a fire escape on the side of the building. There is a guard standing next to the fire escape. He has a gun in his hands. > You approach guard with hands where he can see them. “Howdy. Uh. Mind if I use your ladder? Lots of hungry shamblers out front.” The guard nods, and points at a large ladder next to a bus. “You see it?” You nod. “Perfect.” You walk over to the ladder. You show the guard your palms. > You examine the bus. You examine the bus. The bus has a lot of space inside. There is a big driving wheel in the middle, and a bunch of seats along both sides. > You search the bus carefully for walkers. You search the bus carefully for walkers. You walk down the aisle, slowly looking at each seat. You don’t see any. You continue walking down the aisle. You are about halfway through the bus. > You ready the golf club and continue searching the bus for walkers. You ready the golf club and continue searching the bus for walkers. You finish searching the bus. There are no walkers in the bus. There is a knock at the side door of the bus. > You go to the door. “Yello?” You go to the door. “Yello?” A man is standing outside the bus. He is holding a bright yellow backpack. There is a bright blue t-shirt wrapped around the bag. > You chuckle heartily. “Need a ride? Hope you got exact change!” The man chuckles. “No, thanks. I just started work at the college, so I need to get there fast. I can’t wait too long between stops.” “OK. Glad to help,” > You “The college? What you doing there?” The man nods. > You “Well come on board, this bus is clean far as I can tell.” The man laughs, then nods. He begins walking down the aisle of the bus. You motion him to the front seat. “Thank you sir, oh joy.” He sits down. > You check the ignition for keys. You check the ignition for keys. You see a bunch of keys hanging from the steering wheel. You put the key in the ignition and turn it. The engine starts. > You say “Holy crap, it’s still running!” Close the bus doors. You say “Holy crap, it’s still running!” and close the bus doors. The man gets up. “Thank you, sir. You just saved my life. > You “De nada, pardner. Hey, seriously, let me give you a ride to that college. Which way is it?” The man nods. “Thanks for the ride. I’ll make it up with a donation, sir. > You drive to the college. You drive to the college. “Where do you think you’re going?” The guard says. “This is a private road, not public transportation. > You chuck pats the side of the bus. “Well transportation don’t get much more public than a city bus. I got a passenger needs to get to work, if you’ll kindly allow.” The guard laughs. “Sure thing, city boy. Hop on in, and make it quick, I got rounds to make.” You climb on and sit down. “Thanks a lot, city boy.” > You offer guard a jolly rancher. “I ain’t a city boy, exactly. Where you from?” The guard looks at you, then opens the window. “A little town called Shamblers, if you want to know. You?” “A nice-ish city called civilization,” > You “‘Course, that place is long gone, isn’t it? I’m on my way back to my brother’s ranch.” The guard nods. “Yeah, it’s been dead for a while now. I think it’s just a shadow of what it used to be, actually. If it ever was.” > You “Yeah, the dang walkers ate all the cattle. I never thought I’d miss steak so much.” The guard laughs. “Well, this is a hell of a lot better than being a guard back in Shamblers. You should come back with some supplies when you’re done. We could use some stuff.” > You “Well I didn’t get too much today before some trigger happy gentleman grazed me in the neck. Calmed him down, but I decided to vamoose just in case.” “Hm. Lot safer.” You look out the window at the dead, featureless landscape. Everything has been turned into one big battlefield. > You sigh. “What’s your name, anyhow? I’m Chuck.” “Damon,” the guard says, extending a hand. “Damon the Leaper.” You shake it. “Pleasure to meet you, Damon.” “Yeah, yeah,” Damon grunts. > You snack on a candy bar. “Tell me about Shamblers, Damon.” “What about them?” “You’ve been dealing with them for a long time. You know what they’re capable of. What do they look like?” > You oh, not the walkers. Your town. Shamblers, you said. “Mm. Not pretty. Heard one of them talk, though.” “Yeah, pretty rare. So… what do they look like? > You “You heard a zombie talk?” “Yeah. Down in a mineshaft. They don’t, usually. They just get really… quiet. And, you know, eat your brains. But this one was different. It almost sounded human. > You “Are you sure it wasn’t a person?” “Pretty sure. It was on a dead… Hey!” Damon cries, sticking his hand in front of him. You rap him upside the head. > You “On a dead what?” “A dead end. One of those mineshafts where it’s like… I don’t know, like an underground cavern.” You frown. > You “What were you doing down a mineshaft, if you don’t mind my asking?” “Hm? Oh! You don’t want to know. Don’t think I do, anyway. Not exactly a nice story.” “Tell me.” “No.” You frown, insistently. > You shrug. “It’s okay. Doesn’t seem like there’s many nice stories anymore.” “Alright, alright,” Damon sighs. > You “No really, you don’t got to tell. God knows I got plenty I don’t want to think about, much less talk about.” “Yeah… Alright. I was drunk. And horny. I was trying to get laid. You know how it is.” You snort. “I should think so. > You “In a mineshaft, though? Well, I guess it’s got ‘shaft’ in it…” “I went down there to find a girl. You know, like most guys do. I don’t even know her name. Met this guy instead.” “Heh. Got conned by a zombie, then.” > You “Wait, you go into mineshafts to find girls? Not to be contrary, but I don’t think most guys do that.” > You “You got some, uh, unique traditions in your town, I s’pose.” “Yeah. Not many guys my age down there. And not many girls. Or, you know, anything else, really. It’s just… empty.” > You “Right. Well. I’m going to see how far this bus will take me. I’ll let you off.” Damon shakes his head. > You “I’m uh, going out to the desert. I mean if you want to come with, maybe we could use an extra hand, but I can’t promise nothing.” Damon considers it. “Nah, I’ll just keep going, I guess.” “Alright. Take care, kid.” You board the bus, and take a seat. > You drive bus to the Ranch. The bus drives for hours, but eventually you pass the buildings of the old city, and drive out onto a barren landscape of rock and dirt, the sun high overhead. > You sing ZZ Top songs tunelessly as you continue driving. Hours pass. You realize you’ve hit the nightfall of the day when the lights of the bus are turned on to full. You continue driving for hours until the bus pulls into a rest stop, far from any buildings. > You examine rest stop. The bus pulls into the rest stop. It’s a long, single building, made of wood and tin. A long line of broken, dusty yellow buses are parked in a row, all their lights off. > You “School’s out forever.” You’re right. The old lady was correct. The school’s out for summer. You get off the bus, and walk up to the snack machine. You put in your token. > You select jolly ranchers. You get a jolly rancher. You open it. You lick the candy. It’s good. Suddenly, you hear a “Crack!” > You dive for cover. You duck behind the bus. A bullet whizzes by your ear. You peek out. No one in sight. The sun is setting. Suddenly, you realize you’re hungry. > You crawl under bus and eat a candy bar. It’s long gone. You’re getting too hungry to care, though. You crawl out from behind the bus and stand. You walk up to the snack machine. You put in your token. > You select chips. You get a bag of Doritos. You open it. You are sorely lacking in the nutrition department. You open your mouth. You put the chips in. > You use crowbar to break open snack machine. You walk away. Suddenly, the bus starts. You jump and scream, “Auugh!” You sit down and are shaken. You get up. > You call out “Hey! That’s my ride!” No one answers. You sit back down and stand. You wait. Soon, the bus pulls away. You wave. It’s gone. You walk over to the snack machine. > You “Heck.” Search snack machine. The machine’s been messed with. The money’s all gone. You reach into the slot, and grab the only object left in the machine. It’s a crowbar. You turn it over and over. > You find food. There’s a trail of discarded food leading over to the old warehouses. You follow it over to a large warehouse, where several people sit in lawn chairs, munching on chips and drinking soda. > You “Uh, hey there. Mind if I share your fire, so to speak?” The people are rude. They yell at you, and call you names. You sit down among them, and they resume calling you names. Suddenly, you notice a girl in the corner. > You examine girl. You notice her white skin, and her dark hair. She looks so sweet, so innocent. You notice her eyes. They’re as dark as the pupils of your eyes. > You “Uh, can someone stop the insults long enough to tell me about that girl? She don’t look so good.” One of the men stands up and walks over to you. “Who are you?” he asks. “What do you want?” “I’m trying to find my ride. The driver left me at the gate.” > You “Well, I was the driver. Then there was a new driver, and he done drove off while I was getting some Doritos.” The man looks at you. “I think you’ve had enough Doritos.” “Well, you can’t just judge a book by its cover, and all. I’m a good driver. > You “Drove that bus all the way out from Odessa. You been to Odessa lately? Seen better days, I tell you what.” “Uh huh. I need some water. My throat’s all scratchy.” The man walks over to the small shed, and returns with a bottle. > You “I’m just passing through on the way to my brother’s Ranch. Shouldn’t be too far now, though I still ain’t looking forwards to the hike.” The man looks at you. “What’s your name?” he asks. “Ash.” “I’m Bill.” “You’re going to have to help me with my gas problem. > You “Fresh out of antacids, Bill.” You chuckle. “I found these in the bottom of my bag. They must be really, really, really, good antacids. The man laughs. “ > You “But seriously, what’s the problem Bill?” “Gas.” “I don’t have no gas.” The man sighs. “You got a spare can?” “Yeah, but it’s just full of water. “So what?” “ > You “There was gas in that bus. Well, diesel. Anyhow, bus is gone. Say, you got any alcohol?” “Just some vodka in the vending machine down the road. “ “ “Perfect.” The two of you walk outside. “You can drive my truck. I’ll drive your bus.” “ > You get in truck. “Oh, okay.” Bill gets in the front seat of the truck, while you get in the back. “I can’t believe you’re driving my truck. My bus. My gas. > You wonder who’s talking. “Bill, what was with that pale girl back there?” “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” “She was all creepy and quiet. And had really dark eyes and hair. Not that I’m saying you’re supposed to be flirting or something. > You “But I mean, really really dark eyes. Like she maybe wasn’t totally human.” “She wasn’t. But that’s not really something you need to concern yourself with. Let’s just go.” You drive for a few minutes, before you come to a fork in the road. > You “Oh I ain’t gonna do nothing, just curious. Never seen a zombie looking like her.” “Yeah, that girl was one of the old school.” “She a zombie?” “No, just really, really old. They didn’t become what they are until years after the collapse. > You “What are you talking about? She didn’t look old. You’re not telling me she’s a vampire or something are you?” Bill laughs. “No, she’s not a vampire. She’s just… Old.” > You “So what is she exactly? Alien? Fairy? Chupacabra?” “She’s a ghoul.” “What’s a ghoul?” “They’re the result of unnatural experiments by the US military.” “US military? > You “Dang. What kind of experiments?” “They tried to create super-soldiers with ghoul/vampire biology.” “What’s a vampire? > You “Wait, so there ARE vampires?” “No, you moron. I’m saying they’re werewolves.” You look at him. “They’re what, now? “They’re werewolves.” “What’s a werewolf? > You look up at the moon nervously. “What’s a werewolf?” “It’s a creature that occurs in folklore and mythology.” “So do you mean they’re REAL?” “Of course not. I’m just fucking with you.” > You “How much are you fucking with me? The whole thing? Ghouls and all?” “No, I’m really fucking with you. Ghouls are real. You can stop worrying; you’re not going to be eaten by a ghoul.” You take a deep breath, and you relax. > You “She did seem to be pretty well behaved. Hey, wait. Ghouls eat corpses, right? Does she eat zombies? “She eats the recently dead. I’d imagine most of the people she eats probably just go to the pot.” “She just goes and takes food out of a pot? > You “Man if she ate zombies I can see why you’d keep her around, funny looking eyes or no.” “I have more important things to do than eat around the old lady. She’s not that bad. “Well that’s good, you’re alright with her around, obviously.” You nod. “ > You “So about that vodka…” You pull into the driveway of an apartment complex. “That’s it,” says Bill. “Home sweet home.” The two of you exit the car and walk to the door. Quest Completed! (make it to a safe community where you can live safe from zombies)